A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dicks are not precious.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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