The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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