Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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