Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
