overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
