I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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