I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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