Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
