You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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