She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
birth control should be required to get into college
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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