He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
