Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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