Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
