I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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