Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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