Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
