what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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