Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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