this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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