My balls are so social today.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
