Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
