he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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