i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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