I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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