3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
