so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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