Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
