ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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