im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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