I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
