i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
