bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
