So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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