How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
