True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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