Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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