ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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