A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
