What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
