i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
