I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
