pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
