Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
