Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
