well I can't set my house on fire every night
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
