She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
