is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
