I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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