just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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