You made me cry and you don't even care
if you like me you must not know who I am
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
