i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
should my penis look like a turkey
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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